Jesus Christ I’m in a Walmart parking lot and there’s this van driving around blasting polka and yodeling sounds

I just remembered that when I was in 3rd grade our teacher read us Little Red Riding Hood and then gave us a writing project where we were supposed to tell her how we would’ve killed the wolf instead of chopping him up, I think I said something about feeding him poison ivy because I’d read that it was toxic to eat? And then the next morning after everybody had handed their papers in and she’d graded them she spent the rest of the day looking at us like we were little devils

Like??? YOU ASKED US LADY

SHADOW’S BUTT EXPLODED OH MY GOD

SHADOW JUST PEED ON ME??????

There’s bats flying around outside right now and Lilac’s clinging to the window and freaking out because she can’t catch them

I didn’t learn that Elon Musk was Afrikaner until recently, but now that I know, it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

I failed my permit test 🙂

What I love about Rayquaza is that it’s this Big Focking Dragon that looks like some violent fearsome mountain snake but it actually lives in the ozone layer and eats molecules

Current mood:

That time Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill was crawling around on the floor of a movie theater screaming “GLOBULES” at people

I want to be happy about the 4th but all hell’s breaking loose around me which makes it hard to enjoy anything